Nomad News May / June 05

Contents

 No Contents this month as no-one read it.  But here is the news

Well the season is well underway and as we sit here on the 31^st May we are unbeaten in all games at the weekend.

I have been a Nomad for some 20 years and I don’t believe we have ever gone 12 odd games undefeated. Long may it continue.

You will see below the current league tables and it makes very healthy reading indeed.

The Nomad news has so far this year been available only in electronic format, primarily for two reasons:

• We are trying save the trees

• We couldn’t be arsed to print copies and send them out

But after many requests and one or death threats this month we are going to distribute on paper as well.  So I hope you are all feeling very environmentally friendly at the moment.

The Very Harsh but almost right League table to 31/5/05 (click here for the official one)

You will recall last month I reported that our new Vice President Mr Mark Doherty will be donating £5000 to the club and although he doesn’t have the money to hand he was to embark on a series of Lap Dance extravaganzas to raise the required funds. I also reported that each “private” dance would cost a very reasonable £100 and that our esteemed skipper had offered to pay £200 if he to could go naked.

I am in this issue forced to apologise unreservedly to both Mr Hull and Mr Doherty.

Mr Hull did not offer to pay £200 if he to could be naked at one of Mr Dohertys private dances. Indeed Mr Hull has asked me to place on record the true quote he made to me upon reading the initial article.

“I wouldn’t give the bald bloke the skin off a rice pudding to see him dance naked” “He has got the body of an ageing Buddha” and I don’t fancy him in the slightest.

Mr Doherty has since responded to this cruel and heartless statement, by, very eloquently through this high quality publication stating that “Mr hull doesn’t know what he is talking about. I am a very talented and highly sought after performer with the body of a Greek God and if he won’t pay the £200 then I won’t perform my ping pong ball routine for him ever again. So there"

The writer of this article would like to point out that neither Mr Hull nor Mr Doherty will issue any more statements on this subject, unless of course you ask them.

SSHHHHHHH

Who had the worst hangover ever after a recent night at Chicago’s to celebrate Jon B’s birthday?

I don’t know but perhaps we should ask Adam.

European Champions league

It has today been announced that Liverpool will not be able to defend the cup in 2006.

A UEFA spokesman said that the committee were just about to approve the defense when a new and shocking picture came in.

As your investigative journo on the inside I am pleased to tell you I managed to get the scoop and have the picture that has put the mochas on Liverpool defending the cup

LIVERPOOL FANS CELEBRATE WINNING THE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE FINAL IN THEIR TRADITIONAL WAY

Even more late breaking news.  Yes Liverpool did win the Champion’s league even if the locals plod beg to differ.

Even further late breaking news.  It is reported that Stevie B was "steaming" and "dancing" after the greatest comeback since Hully withdraw early from Mr Doherty's lap dance but sadly this is just a urban myth as those pictures has been lost in the annals of times.

On a more serious note, Our Captain Sir Lenny of Hull has asked me to inform all Nomads that the next time you are late for a game he will stamp his feet, cry and generally get quite upset.  He may even write his section on the web to describe how he feels.

Next Month

Next month we will be incorporating a full interview with Mr Ian Botham cricketing legend and hard drinking playboy, who will be giving the lads a few tips on things like: beer drinking, shagging and other non cricket related issues that we all seek answers for.

We will also be bringing back the ladies page with a full page spread (if you will excuse the pun) on the merits of butter vs marg for cricket teas. Yes folks you heard right the age-old question will finally be answered.