Contents
1. Nostradamus reveals all
2. A word from the captain
3. A trip to nets ( the story of a frightened passenger)
4. The Ladies page
5. Techies corner
We are very lucky at this club to have the services of the great all seeing Nostradamus or Nossie as he is known to his mates. Under normal circumstances he would charge three goats hooves and a set of chicken giblets to reveal the secrets of the future, but I have persuaded him as a personal favour to reveal the Nomads 2005 future.
Some of you may think that his words are all a lot of bunkum, but to you I say have faith and it will all come true.
So without further ado I bring to you the 20 prophecies for season 2005
1. Graham Hull will remain captain
2. Yashpal will score the most amount of runs in the season
3. Harold shipman will be bought back to life to captain the Carpenters arms
4. Andy King will not break any part of his body this year ( I know seems unbelievable but the mighty one has spoken)
5. Steve Bruno will take a 5 for in a league match
6. Shane Jones will leave BT and set up his own religious cult which will be imaginatively called the na na na sect
7. Several members of the club will turn up dressed in Shane's new cult uniform (wellies, sowester and a false beard) claiming to have seen the light and the world if not really round but looks like a large haddock from the air
8. Bowler of the year will be Hully
9. Lord Lucan will turn up living in the new changing rooms and claim that he has lived their all his life and can he open the batting
10. Julie Hull will not be as many games after being led astray by Elaine King and will start to worship the God MATALAN
11. There will not be a tour in 2005
12. Graham Shaw will reveal after a particularly drunken session that he is not really a South African accountant but is really a Julie Andrews impersonator from Colchester
13. Julie Andrews will turn up and state that after the Sound of Music she went to South Africa to become an accountant
14. There will be an influx of material from the nomad posse for the Nomad news
15. Fred woodhouse will give an LBW in our favour
16. We will all get drunk in 2005 at least once
17. Luke, Gary and Ian will get sober at least once in 2005
18. The Nomads will win the league
19. Darren Gough will pledge his allegiance to the club and play ( if selected)
20. I will stop writing crap editor's note - will you stop spouting crap as
well?
“dog shit duty is a good thing”
A trip to the nets ( the story of a frightened passenger)
My first net of the season came after a particularly heavy session the night before at the club.
I have (for information purposes) given up drinking beer in an effort to shed a few pounds and have substituted it with white wine and soda. Now the problem with that is I have substituted it on a like for like basis, i.e 1 pint of lager = 1 pint of white wine. So after what appears to be several bottles of cheap white plonk I am obviously feeling a little light-headed to say the least.
Elaine and I live in Harpenden and if we are going to be drinking ( we do most weekends) we stay with Julie and Graham as we did this weekend.
Now as I stated earlier, I haven’t netted so far this year, so I thought it would be a good idea to do so, ( nets are not my favourite pastime on a Sunday, sleep on the other hand is). So hully woke me at stupid o clock and 2 hours later I rose (!!)
Shane was picking us up at 10.30 for the short trip to Redbourn. Now I haven’t been in a car with Shane for some considerable time and had forgotten that he likes speed.
We left the front of casa de hully and proceed up Talbot road about a nanosecond later we were on Stockingstone and I had commenced gripping the seat in front of me. After going over several roundabouts ( literally) we got to the M1. Now a normal driver would get from j10 to j9 in about 3-4 minutes Shane Scumacher however was determined to break the land speed record and did it in about 45 seconds. They say that when you are close to death your life flashed before you, believe me when I say that at that speed it doesn’t. It can’t keep up.
We left the motorway and proceeded at a leisurely 150mph toward Redbourn. Shane had by this time forgotten that you have to give way at a roundabout to the right, but we survived the oncoming truck. Next came a crossroads. It was quite obvious to me by this time that to Shane Crossroads was and old a not very good quality soap opera not somewhere one has to stop to make sure that no oncoming vehicles are likely to knock you into the next life. After narrowly avoiding a blue thing Shane calmly quoted. “I almost saw that one”
After what seemed like a lifetime but was probably about 45 seconds we arrived at nets. It then occurred to me “Oh my god I have to get back somehow”
The moral of the story. If you are a pregnant woman, of a nervous disposition or have a bad back. WALK it will add years to you life
This is the first in a series of articles just for the Nomad ladies.
This week: The Kitchen
WHAT ARE YOU DOING READING THIS GET BACK IN THERE AND COOK
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