Contents
Pre-amble and other such crap
Chairman's Day – a pre-cursor
The perfect cricket weekend – in the eyes of a woman
The great butter vs Marge debate (the suitability for cricket tea sandwiches)
A word from the Captain
The 60 second star interview
Where are all the contributions?
The Nomad theme song – to the tune of Mustang Sally (what else)
Pre-amble and other such crap
What do you think of the Nomad news and the website so far this year ? It would be good to get some feedback. Steve and I are trying our best. We spend hours every night working on this for your benefit (well OK not hours every night but certainly minutes every month) and it would be good to hear your comments.
Steve is doing an amazing job on the website (www.lutonnomadscc.co.uk) but we are still fairly short of hits. Please pass the word around and try to get it on the map a bit more.
We are going to be updating the picture board fairly soon ( or to put it another way when we get our cameras out) so beware and keep your pants on.
Until next month – see ya
Andy
Chairman's Day - a pre-cursor
Don’t forget guys that Chairmans day is on the 25th June this year. Lets hope that the weather is kinder to us this time round. Those of you that are new to the nomads are in for a treat.
To put it into context, we play cricket, eat tea then get very drunk. Come to think of it we do that every week but this is in the name of Freddie “ not out” Woodhouse.
Please do all you can to be there and make it a good day for all.
The perfect Cricket weekend – in the eyes of a woman
We may have played 15 odd games, got a few runs, taken a few wickets and had a few drinks. But what does it actually mean to our better halves
I have interviewed one of our women members (name and address withheld) this week and have got a great insight into how they feel every weekend…….
9.00am – get up make my beloved stud muffin a good healthy breakfast packed with carbohydrates so that he is full of energy for the game ahead
10.00am – I don’t let him have his wicked way because, as much as I want it. The act may interupt the balance of the game this afternoon
11.00am - I make him a high energy cup of coffee and tell him how good he is and that he is going to take a hat-ful of runs and score a century this afternoon and that I am very proud of him.
12.00pm – I lovingly make sure his whites are crisply ironed and I pack his bag so that everything is easy to get at when he gets to the ground. I notice his boots are a little scuffed so I take it upon myself to polish them so that they gleam.
12.30pm – I load up the car with his gear. Quite obviously I wont let him do it because he may strain himself and it would be really bad for the club if he got even slightly injured.
1.00pm - I leave him to go and change. Whilst he is there I take on his pre match duties, which I am pleased to say is dog shit duty. Now I don’t particularly like dog shit duty myself but I would rather I did it than subject him to it
2.00pm - The game starts and I sit on the side cheering him on in the field, making sure that I am very vocal and that everyone knows that he is mine and that I think he is the greatest player the club has ever seen.
5.00pm - He comes in for tea and I congratulate him on being the obvious star out there and commence to tell everyone that the dropped catch was not his fault and that the sun at that angle would blind anyone.
I make sure that he has enough tea and take great pleasure in watching him eat those sandwiches even though they are not as good as the ones I do.
5.30pm – He opens the batting and I live every shot made and run scored. I complain loudly from the boundary line to the umpire and threaten him with all sorts of female nastiness when my man is given out LBW ( whatever that is). When he tells me the ball was going 3 feet down leg side I obviously agree and vow to take it up with the umpire and the ECB ( whoever they are)
To drown his sorrows I go to the bar and buy him a cold pint of lager whilst offering to drive the car tonight so that he may have a drink or two with his friends. Being the caring guy he is he accepts the offer knowing that I would be upset if he drove and I drank this week.
8.00pm – I make sure that he has a seat in the club and that he always has a drink with him
11.00pm – I go to the car and bring it to the entrance so that I can lovingly carry him to the car because one of the sandwiches he ate has made him ill. Thank god he had those fifteen pints to kill the Salmonella or he would have been a lot worse.
12.00am - I put him to bed and proceed lovingly to clean up the vomit that the dodgy sandwich made him spew. I make a note to sue the woman who did the tea for trying to kill my husband. Why did she pick on him and nobody else, she is obviously jealous – Bitch
What a perfect day it has been and I can’t wait until next week when we do it all again.
The great butter V Marge debate ( the suitability for cricket tea sandwiches)
Definitely butter – Marge is crap
A word from the Captain
Well I’ll be hornswaggled
The 60 second star interview
This week I was hoping to bring you an exclusive star interview with the legendry Mr Ian Botham.
Unfortunately I have been duped and ended up at Watford gap service station with my dictafone, pen and notebook waiting for the legend himself when a guy came up to me and introduced himself as Mr Eem Bootham.
So I stabbed him and left.
Next Month
Return of Nostradamus
Where are all the contributions?
So far this year we have had a mighty contribution influx of exactly zero – yes zero. Come on guys it’s your club get you contributions to me (andrewking7@aol.com)
The Nomad theme song – To the tune of Mustang Sally
(to be sung at all future nomad affairs – I will work on verse two and report next month)
Mr Hully
Are you gonna let me bat today
Mr Hully ( Oh captain)
Are you gonna let me bat today
I’ve been fielding down at fine leg and I want break my new pads in
Chorus
All I wanna do bat a bit hully
( bat hully bat)
all I wanna do is bat a bit hully
(bat hully bat)
all I wanna do is bat a bit hully
(bat hully bat)
all I wanna do is bat a bit hully
(bat hully bat)
I’ve been waitng here for days now and my pads have stuck to my legs